You are that guy

To my Shadow Self

March 11, 2018

And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

Colossians 2:15 NIV

Dear Chris Mitchell,

Throughout my life, other people’s silence cost me everything.  Broken trust, twisted goodness, and a trail of wreckage. People claiming to be Christian, professing their faith in public, all the while breaking trust and pretending nothing happened. Pastor, you are just like every manipulative minister I’ve ever known. You manipulate and then sit there pretending innocence. While I waited and waited and waited for an explanation. Why would you send that message? Only to be told: “I didn’t know”. 

What didn’t you know? How sick your followers are? Well who is their fearless leader, pastor? The Sketcher gave you up pastor…I tend to draw the truth out of people. How do I know the men’s ministry sent them? Hmmmm…maybe the word pastor gave it away. I am so angry I can’t stand it. I hate that sleazy message your church leaders sent me. I will tell the world…not my world, but yours pastor. I hate that leaders hide while I bleed. Hide behind a title and a bureaucracy.

How do I let the truth be heard?  I post to your people, let them decide. Let the forum decide. All you had to do was talk to me, pastor. Now your world stage will be our trial. Let your peers decide. I have absolutely no problem with that. I look forward to it. I hope you are friends with the cac or whoever.  I will tell  your associates and let them decide. How? I will tell where both my strength and my sorrow comes from.

The one pastor I let in after a lifetime of being hurt by ministers never took the time to ask what the issue is. Why? Because he knew what the issue is. And couldn’t even say I’m sorry. 

What a world of healing those words would have made. Instead: “I didn’t know”…defense. Where’s the compassion? Where’s the comfort? Christian you are so disappointing it breaks my heart. A company billboard with no heart. You can preach all you want Christian. Sing to the choir, but lead lost souls? What say you? Are you qualified to be a Spiritual Advisor, pastor? Remember: honesty is the first requirement. 

Church should be personal pastor. You actually made it about business…with me, of all people! How could you? Silly me, I thought you were a friend. I would never treat someone that way, not even an enemy. Let your peers decide. Too harsh? That’s what the forum is for. Honesty and some diplomacy. 

How’s that for confession? Are my sins absolved? Please bless me Father for I have sinned. I hold scorn in my heart for another. 

Tell me pastor do you know why? Because all you had to do was be honest and you choose defensiveness. I’m bleeding out and your defending yourself all the while never even asking why I was hurt. Never acknowledging your bogus message or your sick messengers. Pastor, you broke my heart. Just like all the other ones. A simple: I’m sorry. Yet unheard of.

I pray you are learning how to be honest. I pray you are not as crushed as I am. I pray you actually tell me the truth someday. I pray you learn to be a little bit better…a lot better.

May the peace of Christ be with you Pastor.

Love,

Mary


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