Inner battle

I struggle everyday
To forgive
To forget
To let go
To move forward
To accept

It’s the daily
Reminders
Of this
Thorn
Inside

What was once
My favorite
Thing to do
Just drive ~
Steals
Serenity

If I were
To tell you
Want happens
When my heart
Rips open
Would you
Believe me
Then?

Do you
Need to
Witness
My suffering?

First a preacher
Planted the seed
Of scorn

Then you all deny
My dignity
And
Run and hide

I’m told to let it go

You made church
Into an
Insurance
Company
All the while
Claiming
Authenticity

I want to
Rip your
Lying cheating tongues
Out of your mouths

Each and every one of those false preachers
Who stood on that stage
Claiming
Authenticity

You make me
Scream!!

Claiming to be Christian
Tell me Christian
Did I prove
My claim?
Did my suffering
Teach you something
About Grace?

Don’t you dare
Claim to be authentic
Turn around and harass me
In the worst way possible…
And then ignore my
Plea for help

I hate your falsehood
Your hypocrisy
You who claim
Community
And turn around
And deny me
My inherent
God given
Dignity

It drives me
Insane

Church people
Claiming authenticity
Know this:
Don’t be that church
Don’t claim to be Christian
And then force your
Helper
To beg
For
Your
Integrity

If you claim you are Christian
Show me…
Show me
You care

By the way
You can take your
Process
And
Try again

It’s rigged…
One sided
As always
Bureaucracy
Crushes
Innocence

I struggle every single day
It wasn’t like this before
My friends instigated
My own private
Nerveous breakdown
Made public…

All because
Church people
Don’t want
Women hugging Pastors

How can I forgive rape
And not that?

I wasn’t raped
By friends

Therein lies the difference
This is why my heart is broken
I trusted friends
To be authentic

Instead
They made
Church
Into an
Insurance
Company

So now I post
Everything
For all to see

This is me
Broken and abused
But not defeated
Rather
Determined to
Expose you
To the world

I want you to know…
I struggle every day
Now ~
That is
How much
You harmed
Me

You
Friend
Did
That…
Yet you deny me
The right to say it
To your lying cheating face

Cheating?
Yes
You cheated me
You denied my dignity
Fool

I struggle every day
To forgive you

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